Navigating Social Nuances: Helping Children Understand Unspoken Rules in Group Dynamics

In social situations, there are both spoken and unspoken rules that guide how we interact with others. Spoken rules are clear and direct, like “Raise your hand before speaking in class.” Unspoken rules, however, are the invisible guidelines that we follow without being told, such as standing a comfortable distance from someone in line or knowing when it’s your turn to talk during a group conversation. These unspoken rules are often learned through observation and experience, but for some children, especially those with social learning challenges, they can be difficult to grasp.

How Unspoken Rules Affect Daily Life

Unspoken rules are everywhere, and they play a big role in our daily lives. They help us navigate friendships, participate in group activities, and succeed in school or on the playground. For example, understanding that we shouldn’t interrupt a peer during a conversation or that we need to show interest in what others are saying builds better relationships. Without understanding these unspoken rules, children may struggle to connect with others, feel left out, or experience anxiety in group settings because they aren’t sure how to behave.

This can lead to misunderstandings like talking too much about their own interests or not recognizing when someone else is bored or confused. Over time, these social challenges can affect a child’s confidence and their ability to form and maintain friendships.

How a Paediatric Occupational Therapist Can Help

As paediatric occupational therapists, we don’t just focus on motor skills or physical challenges—we look at the whole child, including their ability to engage socially. Helping a child understand and navigate unspoken social rules is a key part of what we do. Through strategies like role-playing, video modelling, and real-life practice, we teach children how to pick up on social cues, such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice.

We also help children practise group dynamics in a safe, supportive environment. For example, during a group activity, we might coach a child on how to take turns or recognize when it’s appropriate to ask a question. Over time, these strategies help children feel more comfortable and confident in social settings, making it easier for them to engage with peers and participate in everyday group activities.

What Sets Us Apart

At Kidz OTC, we take a hands-on approach to helping children navigate social situations by blending social thinking with practical, real-life practice. Our focus is on teaching children how to recognize and respond to the unspoken rules in everyday interactions, which is just as important as helping them with motor or sensory needs.

This involves our approach of integrating the tools and strategies from Social Thinking, created by Michelle Garcia Winner, into our sessions. These tools help children understand social cues, unspoken rules, and how to connect with others in everyday situations. By incorporating this framework, we provide a structured, research-based method that makes social learning more effective and personalised for each child.

For example, we use “The Social Thinking Vocabulary” terms like “thinking with your eyes” or “expected vs. unexpected behaviours” to help children understand how their actions affect others in social settings. When working with a child that is struggling with knowing when to join a group activity, we could break this down using Social Thinking concepts: we teach them to look at the group, observe what’s happening, and determine if their entry is “expected” or “unexpected.” This way, the child begins to see that joining a game isn’t just about asking to play but also about recognizing when the moment is right.

Another powerful tool we use is “Superflex and the Unthinkables”, where children learn to manage their behaviours by identifying unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more flexible thinking. For example, if a child tends to dominate conversations, we might introduce the character “Rock Brain,” who gets stuck on their own thoughts, and then use Superflex to show how to shift the conversation by listening to others.

These Social Thinking tools are woven into real-life practice in each session. We might role-play how to handle difficult moments, like waiting their turn during a group game or noticing when someone else is upset. Using these tools ensures that the strategies are not only easy to understand but also immediately applicable in daily life.

As we blend these evidence-based Social Thinking tools with practical, individualised activities, we offer a structured, child-friendly approach that helps kids make sense of the social world around them. This method ensures that the social skills they develop in our centre don’t stay in the centre—they’re carried into their everyday lives, helping them build better connections and feel more confident in social settings.